Last week we talked about the #1 strategy for unlocking your best life:
TAKE 100% RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIFE
I think we can all agree, this is a tough strategy to fully embrace in every area of life. However, it IS the MOST powerful strategy we could ever implement for bigger lasting results. (If you missed it, here’s a recap: The #1 Strategy)
Today, on #tuesdaywithtammy, we talked about how you show up in the world and why it matters! Do you know how you show up with other people? Is it working for you? Why does how you show up matter so much? How do we show up in the most effective way?
First, we need to acknowledge that we all have default way of showing up most of the time. We call this our personality or our style or our way of being. I’m talking about how you most consistently present and define yourself to other people.
Today, let’s call it “your style of engagement”.
Of course, there are infinite combinations of attitudes, appearances, energy and intention that determine how we show up in different situations. But, we each have an accumulation of preferences, experiences and choices that lead us to our default style.
This default style is how we most frequently show up. This is what people come to perceive and expect when they engage with us. This is “your style of engagement”.
We create how people react to us. It is called reciprocity. We get back based on what we give out. The world responds pretty predictably to different styles of engagement. We are 100% responsible for how we engage with other people and it effects how people respond. (Think about that one person that you avoid like the plague or the person you can't wait to visit with...)
Here are some "styles of engagement" that we talked in more depth about today and how the world typically reciprocates or responds to this style:
- Characteristic: They show up ready to be offended
- Typical response: Keep them at arms length
- Paws up
- Characteristic: Ready to take blame or punishment
- Typical response: The world gladly uses them up
- Legends in their own mind
- Characteristic: They want all the attention and credit and priority
- Typical response: People avoid and even plot their demise
- The Poser or fisherman
- Characteristic: Always acting or fishing to get compliments
- Typical response: It is too exhausting for people to spend much time with them
- People- eater / narcissist
- Characteristic: Want to control and tell others what they think and feel.
- Typical response: Reactions of rebellion, rejection, resentful or passive.
- Drama queen
- Characteristic: So extreme that they sacrifice credibility
- Typical response: They lose respect and maybe even laughed at
- Einstein analyzers
- Characteristic: Super intelligent but impractical
- Typical response Difficult to establish bonding and intimacy
- Characteristic: Trying to build intimacy and trust at others expense.
- Typical response: They often self-destruct. Nobody trusts them.
- Yeah, but..
- Characteristic: An excuse or rationalization for everything.
- Typical response: People quit trying to give solutions because of frustration.
- Scarlet O’hara
- Characteristic: Avoid dealing with or correcting anything
- Typical response: Nobody wants to try and be supportive
- Jekyll and hyde
- Characteristic: Unpredictable
- Typical response: There is fear and distrust
- Goody 2 shoes
- Characteristic: Judgmental and better than attitude
- Typical response: People feel judged and inadequate
- Characteristic: Arrogant and condescending but self-degrading and lacking joy
- Typical response: The world says GET A LIFE
- Chicken Little
- Characteristic: The sky is falling – Anxious and urgent
- Typical response: People are irritated and it’s too tiresome
- Characteristic: NOTHING is ok, working or good enough
- Typical response: People are thinking, Suck it up buttercup!
- Characteristic: Guilt is a prod weapon to control and manipulate.
- Typical response: What I think and feel is never good enough. Avoid!
Hopefully, these examples help you see for yourself how you might be showing up. You will most certainly recognize some other people you know and their style of engagement. We talk about the results these styles typically bring and the experiences they create so that we can recognize where we need to shift and grow to get better results.
Can you see why our style of engagement matters?
How people respond, effects the results we get from any engagement. The sum of our results continues to create our experiences in the world. Do you want different results? Do you want new and improved experiences?
You can improve on showing up in the most effective way. You can. You have to be willing to take responsibility for your style of engagement. Conversely, you can just continue to blame other people for how they react and continue to get the same results.
Do you have good self-awareness of your style of engagement? Are you pleased with the results you are getting when you engage with other people? Do you feel like you show up as your best authentic self consistently?
If you raise your self-awareness about what is and isn’t working in your life, then you can begin to make effective change. We are likely a combination of these styles of engagement.
Be willing to explore your style of engagement. They key to better results is to figure out how you can improve. Here are just a few tips on how to improve your style of engagement for better results and experiences in life!
In every engagement, consider how to implement these skills for more effective engagement:
- Consider the result you want before engagement
- Be open to learning from any person you chose to engage with
- Ask good questions to build respect
- Be a good listener to make the most of the engagement
- Add value with respect by getting permission or discerning what is helpful
- Don’t share every thought that comes to mind
- Lean in with your nonverbal presence to really connect
How you show up in the world matters for unlocking YOUR best self and YOUR best life. You are worth it! I hope to see you soon.
Always with hugs,